After 39 years of observing the fascinating species known as men, I’ve noticed something peculiar: flexibility makes them deeply uncomfortable.
Not the «touch-your-toes» kind of flexibility (though, let’s be honest, that’s a struggle too), but the kind that’s essential in relationships, work, and life in general. The kind that requires a little thing called vulnerability. And vulnerability? Terrifying. Especially for men.
Why? Well, here’s what I’ve seen time and time again:
The «Be Strong» Programming
From the moment they can hold a toy car, boys are taught to be tough. «Be decisive. Don’t hesitate. Don’t back down.» A «real man» is in control. And flexibility? That looks an awful lot like softness. Like weakness. And if I adjust, adapt, or (gasp) compromise, does that mean I’ve lost control? Will people think I’m weak?
The Fear of Losing Power
Many men are used to being the decision-makers in relationships. Not in a villain-twirling-mustache way, but in a subtle, «final say» kind of way. Flexibility, however, requires listening, negotiating, sometimes even yielding. Which, to some, feels like handing over power. And if I give in now, will I ever get it back? Will I still be respected?
Emotions? What Emotions?
Flexibility isn’t just about changing plans—it’s about understanding emotions, including your own. But if you’ve spent a lifetime suppressing feelings, any emotional shift feels like a threat. Fear, doubt, insecurity—all of it gets shoved under the metaphorical rug because «men don’t do emotions.» But here’s the thing: emotions don’t disappear. They just pile up until they explode (or manifest in grumpy silence and excessive gym time).
The Horror of Being Wrong
Being flexible means reconsidering your views, but if you’ve been taught that being «right» is everything, admitting a mistake is like self-destruction. If I was wrong about this, what else have I been wrong about? Am I not smart enough? Not strong enough? Not…man enough? So instead of adjusting, many double down and dig in, fighting battles that don’t need to be fought.
The Comfort of Certainty
Flexibility means adapting. Adapting means uncertainty. And uncertainty? Anxiety. From childhood, many men hear, «Stick to the plan,» «Do what you’re told,» «There’s one right way to do things.» So when life inevitably refuses to follow the script, the response is often either full-blown panic or an iron grip on the familiar. Even when the familiar isn’t working.
❗ But here’s the truth: Flexibility isn’t weakness—it’s a skill.
It’s not about losing control or giving yourself away. It’s about adapting, growing, negotiating. It’s about truly hearing others and, most importantly, understanding yourself.
Men who master this live freer, deeper, more fulfilling lives. They have stronger relationships, less inner turmoil, and more room for personal growth. Those who fear it? Often end up trapped by their own rigid rules, losing both relationships and themselves in the process.
If any of this resonates—if you feel stuck, if you crave more freedom but aren’t sure how to step outside the familiar—I’m here. Let’s start untangling this together. Message me, and we’ll figure out where to begin.
warmly, Ksenia
